There was a certain point in my boyhood (probably around the age of nine or 10) when Usborne's Greek Myths and Legends was my favourite book. I expect this literary devotion lasted for about four days, but I doubt I'm alone. Thousands of schoolchildren must have been introduced to the deities of the ancient world through various editions of this title. As an introduction to classics, it was perfectly judged - full of vibrant pictures, maps and informative text.
Among the many myths included was that of Perseus, a rollicking good yarn about a brave young warrior and a woman with snakes for hair who had a stare to rival that of Pierluigi Collina. It was loosely brought to the big screen in a much-cherished 1981 film which mixed in the acting talents of Laurence Olivier and Maggie Smith with the animation of Ray Harryhausen. I also recall a small-screen version of the tale: it was made in 1989 as part of the Jim Henson's The Storyteller series, with Michael Gambon as narrator and a fairly realistic Muppet dog to keep the kiddies interested.
All this nostalgia is relevant because, as I'm sure you know by now, Perseus has been repackaged for a whole new audience in Clash of the Titans, Warner Bros' big Easter money-maker. Choosing to watch the movie in 2D rather than 3D was a no-brainer after reading several reports of pointless shonky post-production work that wasn't worth the extra spend at the box office.
The happiest customer would have been my 10-year-old self, although I hope even he might have groaned at some of the lamentable dialogue that peppers this throwaway but otherwise enjoyable swords-and-sandals CGI-laden romp. It owes much to The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring in terms of style and construction, with powerful gods in place of warring wizards, but lacks any of that film's character development or levity in the script.
Zeus (Liam Neeson) and Hades (Ralph Fiennes) bawl and hiss respectively at one another, while the rest of Olympus watches on bored, particularly trident-wielding Poseidon (Danny Houston). Perseus (Sam Worthington) is a cardboard cut-out hero who's hard to root for, particularly when he comes out with lines like "don't look that bitch in the eye" before dropping in for a date with Medusa. Meanwhile, back in Argos, where a catalogue of insults has seriously narked Zeus, there resides a wittering zealot called Prokopion (Luke Treadaway), possibly the most irritating character seen on screen so far this year.
The gods and humans largely disappoint, although the supporting critters are more fun. The angry accursed Acrisius (Jason Flemyng), who has been left with a head that resembles a pitta stuffed with kebab meat; the Stygian Witches, like fussy great-aunts of the Pale Man from Pan's Labyrinth; the Djinn, desert spirits patched up with tree-bark who owe much to Star Wars' Tusken Raiders. And the monster you've all been waiting for - the Kraken, a gargantuan sea monster with a sweet tooth for sacrificial virgins.
Quite why certain citizens of Argos decided to go for a stroll along the sea front on the day the Kraken was coming to town beats me but then again, it's of little importance - much like this whole movie. But that's not to say it won't appeal to any nostalgic memories of bedtime reading you may have, despite the strangely mangled script.
Last Monday, I caught Martin Scorsese's Shutter Island. As I Tweeted at the time: "Shutter Island gripped me like a straitjacket. Taut, unsettling and full of the inventive scene construction that Scorsese always delivers." There's been much talk about the twist (it's more than predictable) but there's a thought-provoking last line that lifts the ending above similar thriller fare. Recommended.
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